Leaning against my window (A short story) [FICTION]

I lean against my open bedroom window looking at the buildings, the lit street lights and parked cars. Nothing moves. All is still.

There are a few lights on in the houses, suggesting life of some sort. But no other signs. I question the unseen souls. Would you miss me if I left the world right now?

A moth flutters into my field of view disturbing my thoughts. Then a cat screeches at an unseen foe. A light flickers at a window, perhaps a TV being watched by its owners? Clothing waves on a washing line with the warm breeze.

Okay, so there is life out there, it is not all still. Now that I look carefully, I can see that I was wrong. I sigh to myself and, finally, after a terrible day, a small smile reaches my lips.

It’s not there for long because I recall what has befallen me. Befallen my soul. I want to make the decision I know I will regret. The anger boils up inside me and then quickly subsides, only to be replaced by a tearful sadness. A sadness I have not experienced before. Then the confusion takes over. Consternation takes over the ageing features of my middle-aged face.

I take another look out of my room, looking for answers somehow. None come. Not yet anyway.

I’m briefly reminded by a seagull call of where I live . Which in turn reminds me of the closeness of and greatness of the ocean, the vastness of the seas and then the unfathomable depths of the universe.

Can there really be a better way to live life I wonder? Right now, I wish it to end. I tell myself I cannot take any more. I squeeze strongly on the window sill as if to give my thoughts strength, credence and truth.

But it’s no good, a thought slips unseen, unwanted actually, into my troubled brain. A thought that could turn the tide of my emotions. But no, I’m full of negative emotions and will not let a positive thought take hold, especially not that one.

I remove my shirt to allow the warm, summer breezes to wash over my skin. I sigh and then breathe deeply. It hits me then that I’m starting to relax, but I push it away again, this time, deliberately allowing the sadness and tears to well up again inside me.

A bigger movement catches my eye. A youth with hood up over his head, rucksack on his back walks out into the cobbled lane a hundred feet away. His head is down but I stop breathing, not wishing for him to see me stood at my window. I think to myself that he’s probably up to no good but as he comes closer I can hear the sob of tears flowing, his emotions appearing to mirror my own.

The youth stops in the middle of the street, and looks up to the skies, anguish on his face and a mournful cry on his tongue.

“That’s my lot world,” he shouts, “that’s my life!”, he cries. With that, he falls to his knees, reaches inside his jacket and pulls out a gun. And with obvious intent places it against his head.

“Nooooooo!!!!”, I desperately call out, and before I can stop it, the thought that has been itching at the outskirts of my brain leaps into life, “Don’t make life changing decisions when you’re emotionally down or charged!”

I stopped and heard myself as if someone else had spoken. Shocked that I had spoken aloud the nagging idea inside me. My thoughts ran freely, running over each other with their desperate need to be heard. And then I stopped breathing as it dawned on me what a fool I had been.

I looked down at the youth who was staring at me aghast, his gun now lying on the floor forgotten, arms limp by his sides.

“W w what?”, the youth asked.

Then, as much to myself as the youth, I repeated, “Don’t make life changing decisions when you are emotionally down or charged.”

The end.

 

 

Related post:

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(Don’t let your down times depict your life’s direction)

 

Don’t let your down times depict your life’s direction

When you’re down

When you’re down, that can be the hardest time to stop and consider your actions.  When you’re down, you are often emotionally susceptible too. When you’re down, your inclination towards decisions can be negative.  When you’re down, listening to advice and making positive steps to make things better can be almost alien.

In other words, Future Thinking is difficult to do!

Composure

Composure is a challenge to you when you are low or depressed. Perhaps you get stressed or highly nervous? Keeping your composure is essential to making correct long term (future thinking) decisions.  When you are down, try and remind yourself of just one thing:

Don't let your down times depict your life's direction

I know many people, many friends present and past who, when they are down, make life changing decisions. In response to situations where they fail, or they just hit a down day, they decide things like:

I'm not going to do that again!

or:

Why should I bother? I'm just not going to try any more!

If only we could keep our composure when we are down, we wouldn’t make stupid decisions! I know, I know, it’s easier said than done!  But once again, try and think of:

Don't let your down times depict your life's direction

Perhaps, you should make up a little card (say post card sized) and leave it in a place where you will see it every day to remind yourself?

Don't let your down times depict your life's direction

Why bother?

Why should you bother going to the effort? Well, if only you knew the fantastic things that can come your way if you overcome your propensity towards bad decisions when you are emotionally down. Maybe you are asking something like “How do you know they are bad decisions?”. I’ve been there. Many times. That’s how I know! Believe me, making life changing decisions or in fact any decision that could be regarded as negative is bad for you, bad for your future.

The other side of the coin

I’ve seen the other side. I have seen the incredibly positive affects that not making life decisions when depressed can have.  So okay it’s tricky to make positive steps, or positive decisions when emotionally hurt. I admit that. But you have the power to not make poor decisions when you are feeling low. You do have it in you. And if you can do this much, then you are a big leap forward to making more of your life. Of reaching your goals.

Finally

When low, depressed or feeling down, just remind yourself of this topic, this very important edict (make it a law in your mind) to not make poor decisions during bad times. Never forget that everyone suffers with their low days, even the greats of our world. The great sportsmen and women, the highly intellectual minds who solve mysteries of the universe. And also the successful business men and women all have their bad moments.  I think that one trait these people have is not to make bad ‘Future Thinking‘ decisions for their lives. They keep going and keep going some more.

Try it and you’ll see the huge benefits!

Take care,

Jonathan

Erik Stensland recommendation of Jonathan Burrows (on LinkedIn)

I was very pleased to receive the following recommendation on LinkedIn by Erik Stensland. In fact, at first, I didn’t think it was me that Erik was writing about!

“I’ve known Jonathan for over 20 years and he continues to amaze me with his ability to link disparate ideas to find creative solutions. He’s someone who seems to thrive on solving puzzles. I’ve had him help me with several web related problems and he always comes up with terrific solutions. The range of his technical skills is really impressive. Most of the folks I’ve worked with in the software industry are specialists in just one area while Jonathan seems to cover an incredibly wide range of technical fields. I’m fairly competent having established numerous networks and projects, but when I’m in a bind, he’s the guy I call. Extremely competent and creative. I don’t think I know anyone else who even comes close to his amazing set of computer skills” – Erik Stensland, Owner of Morning Light Photography

Thanks!

When 1,000 criticisms bounce off my skin but one man’s belief in me makes me cry

My inner belief

I’ve built up a core belief inside me over the years. Most of it over the last 12-18 months but nevertheless a belief that allows me to be strong despite any criticisms or ‘flaming arrows’.  It is this belief that helps me be strong in the face of adversity or strong when I don’t feel very strong at all!

When I was going through a ‘tough time’ in my life, I suffered from depression and really didn’t feel like even leaving the house! All that has changed thankfully.  Now I go out each day with this core thing inside me which just won’t go away – my belief that I’m on the right track and that I will become what I want to become.

One man’s belief in me makes me cry

However, someone I have know for years now, who has helped me in the past and who has guided me; made me cry and brought me low!

He seems in a low place himself right now and so when he wrote:

“I have only one thing left now and that is belief in you for all these years”

It made me cry….

So, how did I react?

After my little choking up episode, I went for a walk and that belief that has made me strong came flooding in. Now, I more and more want to succeed on my chosen path simply to show this person that their faith in me WAS worth it!

What an amazing and powerful thing ‘belief’ is.

Go get some yourself. I think they sell it at your local supermarket, pub, workplace, websites etc ad infinitum….

Take care and believe in yourself.

Laughter is a medicine

Reader’s Digest

If you are old enough, you may remember Reader’s Digest. In fact, silly me, it’s still published today, but I remember the magazine as a kid way back in 70’s and 80’s er 60’s and 70’s. One of the sections I used to read (I didn’t understand the rest!) was “Laughter is a medicine” and that phrase has stuck with me for several decades now. Of course, I didn’t really understand what the phrase meant, I just thought it sounded good.

Now of course, you will find many websites and magazine writers (who are experts in health) tell you that indeed laughter is good for your health! Apparently, laughter is a pain killer, a relaxant, a stress reliever, releases endorphins which make you happy, boosts immunity, protects the heart, makes us more attractive(!) and much more. Got to be worth a try then! I personally like the ‘makes us more attractive’ benefit….

Self improvement and laughter

Setting aside the proclaimed health benefits for a moment, how does laughter (and smiling maybe) help ones ‘self’. How can it positively affect our self improvement? Apparently laughter relieves stress and I believe it! So less stress and more happiness equals self improvement.

What to do about stress

At times my job is stressful and I find myself getting a little morose, down or generally fed up with the way things are going. The answer I think is to have a jolly good belly laugh! Watch a comedian like Stewart Francis on Youtube or go to see a live comedian near you. Maybe just deliberately joke about with a friend? In fact, why not laugh out loud for no reason at all?

Go on, be daft and (try not to feel embarrassed) laugh out loud right now!

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